How Not to Propose
by tanikara kohitsuji
Summary: How many ways can you fail at proposing? I don't know but apparently the couples of Naruto know at least thirty! 30 one shots with various pairings, crack and not so crack. Kiddies, don't try these proposals at home!
1. Because Doing It Right Isn't for Uchihas

Title: Because Doing it Right Isn't for Uchihas

Author: tanikara kohitsuji

Theme Used: 1. The Ring's On the Other Hand

Pairing: Uchiha Sasuke x Haruno Sakura

**Because Doing it Right Isn't for Uchihas**

He frowned and held out the ring to her. "Here."

Sakura blinked at the plain gold band. "Huh?"

Sasuke frowned even more before coming over. He took her right hand and slipped it on her ring finger.

"I'm asking you to marry me."

She blinked up at him, then at her new engagement ring. (Because, doi, she was going to say yes to the man she's loved since she was five.) "This is how you're proposing?" she asked, tackling the most glaring of problems first. Where was the romance? The beautiful poetic speeches of how he doesn't deserve her, shouldn't ask this of her, but is anyway?

No. Apparently her teammate (not even boyfriend!) Uchiha Sasuke is too good for such things. He gets to skip all of this stupid (so not!) sappy (it's supposed to be, you jerk!) speech stuff and just randomly haul out a ring and put it on her hand.

No prelude needed. Because apparently, he's just that freaking awesome (only, not.).

He gave her a look that obviously conveyed his disbelief that she wants that cheesy romantic crap from him. "Yes."

"Are you kidding me?" she asked, growling a little. She didn't care how good he thought he was, she needed an explanation, a lead-in to the ring. "No reason? No 'Sakura, we've known each other a long time…' speech? Just 'Take the ring!'" She gestured with her arms.

"Yes. I see no reason why I should tell you what you already know."

She rubbed her temples to try to calm herself.

"Sasuke-kun, if you're seriously asking me to spend the rest of my life with you, I need proof that you really care. Getting me a ring and shoving it on my hand will not work. I need proof that you love me enough to spend a lifetime with me." She placed on her hands on her hips after this, waiting for the flowery language.

"Sakura, why should I have to tell you? I've shown you every day since you came running after me in the Land of Iron," the last Uchiha replied.

"Sometimes girls need to hear the words. We need to hear it every once in a while."

"But I show you it every day!"

"I know you do! I'm not saying you don't! I just need to hear it sometimes! I'm not saying I don't want you to keep showing me. But sometimes, Sasuke-kun, I need to hear you say those three little words." She took his hand and looked into his deep onyx eyes. "It's not that I don't get it when you play Mr. Knight in Shining Armor for me. It's not that I want you to stop. But showing me is not enough all the time. Sometimes I want to hear you say it, and be all corny and sweet.

"When you propose to me happens to be one of those times when I have to hear those words."

"Fine," he heaved a sigh that let her know that he found this ridiculous and stupid. "I love you, Sakura. Will you please marry me?"

He got two points for that. One for admitting it (Eat that, Ino!), and one for the _please._ But seriously? He expected that to cut it?

"That sucked," she said after her contemplation of his grade. "Try again."

"What was wrong with that?" he snarled. "I said it."

"One, you didn't sound too happy to be saying it. Two, you and I know you can put it better. Elaborate, Sasuke-kun. Say why you love me. Talk about our history."

"Annoying woman," he grumbled. But he dropped to one knee and took her hand, looking up into her green eyes seriously.

"Sakura, I know I've made mistakes in the past. I've hurt you, called you annoying and useless, left you on a bench without really responding to your confession, avoided you for years, yelled at you, and tried to kill you. But, the truth is for years whenever I called you annoying, it wasn't making fun of you. I'm not good at being romantic, but in my own way, telling you that is my way of showing affection.

"And the truth is you're not useless and you never were. You're a very talented kunoichi, and you've really matured."

Sakura blinked rapidly, feeling tears press against her eyes as he made the longest (ninety-seven words at this point), most romantic speech she had ever heard from him.

For her.

Because she asked.

"In the course of protecting you, you chasing me, and just being with you, somehow I fell in love with you. You show me the better side of life, and you make me want to become a better man. So, I'm asking you, Haruno Sakura, to look past all of my stupidity and agree to spend the rest of your life with me. Because there's no one else I'd want to spend it with or have my children."

Silence reigned for a few seconds as she sniffed and blinked back tears. "Okay," she said quietly.

"What?" he blinked up at her, apparently unable to believe what she had just said.

"Yes, I will marry you, Sasuke-kun."

He stood and for the first time, she saw him truly smile (no, not a smirk. A smile!). Of course, they kissed then. They walked away from the hospital entrance hand-in-hand.

A minute later, Sakura realized one last glaring problem with Sasuke's proposal.

"You do realize that the ring goes on the other hand, Sasuke-kun?"

"Annoying," he growled.

"I love you too."

**A/N: Aww, how fluffy and cute. And laughable too, I hope. Welcome to my latest group of oneshots. This collection is various Naruto pairings in humorous proposals. So expect some SasuSaku, NaruHina, and others. Even some crack pairings! But the main thing is going to be how to mess up the proposal! (Kiddies, don't do these things at home. They'll get you smacked silly.)**

**Since this isn't just one pairing, I won't be doing it for the LiveJournal challenge it came from. But I am using one of the alternate lists for the 30Kisses challenge for the themes.**


	2. Because You Walked in at the Wrong Time

Title: Because You Walked in at the Wrong Time

Author: tanikara kohitsuji

Theme Used: 16. You don't understand

Pairing: Hyuuga Neji x Hyuuga Hinata/ Hyuuga Neji x Tenten

**Because You Walked in at the Wrong Time**

"Oh my!" She gasped, blushing.

He cleared his throat slightly, effectively silencing his cousin. "I know it's kind of sudden and all, but…"

"Neji, the ring is beautiful!" Hinata squeaked.

He smirked a little. He knew he had picked the right one. A perfect diamond. Not too big so as to endanger her life as a kunoichi, but not too small that she would throw the thing at his head (and probably hit his eye. His karma just seemed that to go that way.)

"May I continue?" he asked over her little cooes of admiration. At her nod, he continued, looking the heiress in the eye. "I know it's kind of sudden but I would be honored if you would be my bride." He slid the ring onto her slim finger then remained there waiting for her answer on his knees.

"I…I…" she stammered.

"What is going on here?" Tenten demanded from the doorway.

"Tenten!" Neji said, stumbling to his feet as Hinata hid her hand. "What are you doing here?"

"You told me to come here at three today," the brunette responded.

Her teammate felt a trickle of sweat run down his temple. He glanced at the clock on the wall. "But it's only two forty-five," he said. She wasn't supposed to be here until later!

"I thought you would be glad to see your girlfriend," she frowned. "But I guess I was wrong. I didn't realize you asked me here to break up with me." She glared at the Hyuuga.

Meanwhile Hinata struggled with something behind her back, all the while blushing. She gritted her teeth as she tried to get the ring off her finger. It wasn't budging though. Shouldn't it come off? It went on fine!

"You don't understand," Neji began, moving himself in front of Hinata, just in case his teammate went nuts and brought out her weapons. The clan couldn't afford to lose one of the main family.

"Oh, I don't?" Tenten continued. "You cheat on me with your cousin—which by the way is kinda gross. I mean really? Incest? If you just wanted sex, you could have asked me. But you then realize you don't love me. You love Hinata, and you two are a much better pair. No outsider blood to dilute that Byakugan of yours. So you decide to propose to her. You ask me over to tell me it's over. But I arrive early, walking in on your little love fest and what the heck are you doing, Hinata?"

She directed her brown eyes to the spastically moving heiress.

Hinata glanced up at her, panicked. "N-nothing, Tenten!"

"Then why do you look like you're having a seizure over there? I mean, you've already done it with him so marrying him should be nothing."

"I wasn't proposing to her!" Neji interjected.

"Oh? Really? Then what little elf were you proposing to?" the weapons mistress demanded.

Hinata continued her odd movements. Stupid ring! Why did Neji have to put it on her finger? She sighed and edged closer to her cousin. "N-neji-kun," she whispered.

He turned his pearly gray eyes toward her slightly. "What?"

"It won't come off."

His eyes went wider in horror. Could this get any worse? His girlfriend that he loved very much thought he was cheating on her with his cousin and proposing to said cousin. His cousin just informed him that Tenten's engagement ring would not come off her finger.

"What are you two whispering about?" the bunned girl hissed angrily.

Not good, not good. Why did fate hate him?

"I-I'll just get some bu—"

He yanked on Hinata's wrist, causing her to stumbled forward, left hand outstretched.

"I wasn't proposing to Hinata-sama," he began, and went down on one knee before his teammate could get in a word or castrate him. "I…I…" He blushed and shoved Hinata's ring adorned hand forward some more, hoping Tenten would understand.

(He really wanted to have kids someday…)

His teammate raised an eyebrow. "You're giving me Hinata?"

"No!" he snapped. "I'm proposing to you!"

Awkward silence settled over the room.

"I-it's true," Hinata stammered, the first to break the tension. "I… Neji was really nervous so I suggested he practice on me. The ring's for you."

"Then why haven't you given me it yet?" Tenten demanded.

"It's…it's…" Hinata tried to think of a way gently to break the news that her engagement ring was stuck on her apparently weird finger.

"It's stuck," Neji sighed.

"So…you're not in love with Hinata?"

"No."

"I must have sounded pretty stupid then," the weapons mistress admitted.

"A little."

"I'll go try to get it off," Hinata suggested before darting out.

"If you had just let me explain," Neji began.

"It's okay. I came at a bad time."

"So"

"Do you want to start over?" Tenten asked.

"If you don't mind waiting for the ring."

"Not in the least. At least not after I accused you of incest."

"Please don't ever say that again."

"Deal," she said, grinning before she kissed him.


	3. Public Indecency Aside

Title: Public Indecency Aside…

Author: tanikara kohitsuji

Theme Used: 19. The Cat's out of the Bag

Pairing: Inuzaka Kiba x Karin

**Public Indecency Aside…**

It was by far the oddest thing the small, quiet village of Konoha had ever seen. A fiery redheaded girl running through the streets in an oversized T-shirt that barely covered her underwear while a shirtless Inuzaka chasing after her.

Poor children were scarred for life.

"_Mommy, why is the pretty lady wearing no pants?"_

"_Just look away, honey, just look away."_

"Why are you running?!" Kiba shouted at Karin.

"Don't come near me!" she responded.

"I thought you liked me!"

"I do!"

A shocked Naruto blinked after Karin zipped by him. He was frozen for a full ten minutes after the sensor disappeared.

"Will you stop running so I can finish?!" Kiba shouted, dashing past the Hyuuga complex. An unprepared Hinata fainted from the shock of her half-naked teammate.

Conveniently, Karin tripped over a rock and skidded across the ground. "Oww!" she mewed, nursing her scraped knees.

"Finally," the tattooed male panted, catching up to her.

Onlookers stared in horror at the half naked couple before them.

"They know each other?" Chouji asked aloud.

"Please, Kiba…" Karin began.

"No! Every time I try to tell you I love you and that I want to spend the rest of my life with you, you run off on me!" he shouted. "You never let me finish proposing!"

She blinked up at him. "Y-you wanted to propose?"

He blinked at her. "Um, yeah. What did you think I was going to do?"

Her lower lip trembled and she sniffed. "I- I thought you were going to break up with me."

"Why would you think that?!"

"I don't know!" she wailed.

"Did the Inuzaka boy just propose to her?" a bystander whispered.

"She hasn't answered yet," their comrade replied, eating up this dramatic relationship like it was crack coated potato chips.

"So… umm," Kiba scratched the back of his head in embarrassment, trying to ignore the gossipers. "Will you marry me, Karin?"

"Um, sure," she answered.

An ANBU joined them. "Excuse me. I hate to spoil this, but I'm afraid I have to arrest you two for public indecency." Then his fellow ANBU joined him in dragging the newly engaged couple to prison.

"_I can't believe you managed to get us arrested."_

"_I guess the cat's out of the bag."_

"_In our case, I think it should be the dog."_


	4. Because It's too Troublesome

Title: Public Indecency Aside…

Author: tanikara kohitsuji

Theme Used: 2. Who'sasking (who)?

Pairing: Nara Shikamaru x Yamanaka Ino

**Because It's too Troublesome**

Ino had somehow allowed herself to be talked into cloud watching. She didn't really know why (though Shikamaru's blush definitely had a hand in it), because personally she found it rather boring. Who wanted to lay on the grass all day (umm, hello, grass stains are the devil to get out of her clothes) and stare up at snail's pace clouds?

Not her.

She sighed again and waited for Shikamaru to say something.

Silence.

A slightly louder sigh.

More silence.

A very overdone sigh.

"You say something?" he asked.

"No," she huffed, crossing her arms despite the fact that most of the effect of that was ruined by the fact she was on the ground. It felt weird if she didn't, okay?!

"You sure?" he asked, still staring up at the clouds and not at her, darn it!

She was wearing a very cute dress today! Lavender with a touch of lace at the hem. With cute little tie straps! He should be ogling her, not some giant clump of suspended water!

She had dressed for attention, and she would really like to receive some! (And it wouldn't hurt if it were from her teammate who lay next to her.)

She frowned and huffed again. "No, I did not say anything! Just like how you've said nothing about my dress!"

He ignored the dress part. "Are you sure? Because I could have sworn you did."

She flipped over with a frustrated growl before pounding her head against the ground three times.

"Ino, you'll ruin your dress if you keep moving like that," he said with a sigh. _Troublesome woman…_

Suddenly watching clouds was not so bad. The sun shone bright white, the birds broke into the Hallelujah chorus, and all was right in her world!

"So… what did you think I said?" she asked, grinning like an idiot. (She can't help it! She's so in love with him right now!)

"I thought you asked me to marry you," he replied, still staring up at the clouds. "Does that one look like a rabbit to you?"

Ino sat up slightly, gaping at her teammate. "I asked you to what?"

"Marry you. Hm… on second thought, it looks more like a goat."

"I didn't—wouldn't—" (she so would if he actually asked! But she's just a troublesome woman. Wait… had he ever brought up marriage around her before?! Ohmigosh, what if he was?! In his own way?!) She shot a skeptical, blue-eyed glance over at him before continuing. "Would you marry me?"

No, she is not proposing! She's wondering if he would even consider spending his life with her. If it had ever crossed his mind. (No, she is not obsessed with how he feels for her. She's just really tired of always not being sure.)

"Sure. When do you want it?"

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Obvious misinterpretation here!

"Uh…" Ino, for the first time ever in all her eighteen years on this planet we like to call Earth, was shocked speechless. Pigs took off in flight, hell froze over, and the Sahara flooded.

"So, when do you want the wedding?" he repeated.

It was like he set that up. If it were Naruto, she would've dismissed that idea. But Shikamaru, a genius strategist? Oh yeah, it was plausible.

"Wait… are you trying to get me to propose to you?" Ino asked, finally.

"Yes."

"WHY?!" she shrieked. Some poor creature's eardrums shattered in the immediate area. Unfortunately, it wasn't Shikamaru's.

He shrugged slightly, his jacket scratching over the grass. "Seemed too troublesome to do myself."

The girl was torn between wanting to strangle him for his confounded laziness or kiss him for wanting to marry her.

"You-I-Yargh!" She flopped back into the grass.

Shikamaru moved over, sitting up slightly to place an arm next to her. She glanced up into his eyes as he leaned over her slightly.

"So… Is that a yes?" he asked, smirking a little.

_Man, that was sexy,_ Ino thought. "Um..."

"What do you think of June?"

"Um… sure." Okay, he needed to stop looking so cute. It was darn distracting! She couldn't stay mad at him when he was looking at her like that!

He smiled and kissed her.

She would have to come cloud-watching again.

**A/N: Ah…. a little cuter for the ending. But I hope this made you all laugh. Although if a guy tried that with me, I probably would turn him down. Because I wouldn't be okay with him tricking me into proposing to him. But apparently Ino didn't mind.**


	5. I Guess I Could Give it a Try

Title: Because Doing it Right Isn't for Uchihas

Author: tanikara kohitsuji

Theme Used: 20. A Second Chance

Pairing: Tsunade x Jiraiya

**I Guess I Could Give it a Try**

She had always turned him down. After all, "Hey, Boobs, wanna get hitched?" is not the way to get on Tsunade's good side.

In fact, it was the fast track to get her fist to your face. And a one way trip to the other side of the village too on a good day.

So she didn't know what possessed her that one day when Jiraiya proposed.

Maybe it was the fact that he made no reference to her chest. Or any other perverted thing. He actually did it politely.

Maybe the fact that she had consumed about a very generous quantity of sake had contributed also.

Maybe she just… felt it was time to take a second chance at love. And in the process give Jiraiya a second chance too.

For whatever reason or combination of these reasons, when Jiraiya quietly shut her office doors, she didn't yell at him to get the bloody hell out of her office. She looked up and just… watched.

"Tsunade, take a break from your sake and paperwork for a bit," he said, coming over to her desk.

"But—" she protested. Really, why she was protesting his rescuing her from the eternal evil called paperwork? She should be falling down on her knees before him in gratititude!

"Tsunade," he repeated, meeting her eyes.

"Okay."

He gently turned her chair away from the desk and toward him. "We've both skirted around this issue long enough. I've given you all the time in the world to get over Dan…"

Ignore the twinge of the heart, big girl.

"I know you better than anyone else, Tsunade, and I think I've made it very clear that I care for you."

Maybe her sake had been spiked with some drugs… The older blonde glanced suspiciously at the innocent little bottle. Jiraiya was almost being… romantic. He was never, and she meant NEVER, romantic.

"So I'm getting down on one knee," he knelt slowly and carefully before bringing out a beautiful black velvet box, "to ask you, Tsunade, to be my wife."

He opened the box to show the ring off.

She blinked at it, blinked at him, blinked at it again, and… "You… you got a ring?" she asked, touched.

"I did."

"You saved up the money for this?" she asked, eyes shining with some tears. Maybe this time…

"Well… actually I stole—borrowed it from Naruto. The kid's loaded."

Tsunade froze. Okay. Warm fuzzies are gone. Very dead.

"What?"

"I shouldn't have said that."

She flexed her knuckles and stood.

"Oh yeah."

_On second thought, maybe he didn't deserve a second chance, _Tsunade thought as Jiraiya flew through the air to the other side of the village.

**A/N: So this one didn't end in a couple! We needed a break! Plus, I don't think they'd actually get married. But we'll all laugh at this take on a second chance. Stealing from a child? Low, Jiraiya. Low.**

**Oh and I forgot to say this on the other one! I am working on **_**Heaven, Hell, or None of the Above. **_**And I have several more ideas for the next one. And you get to choose! There's a general blurp for each one on my profile poll! So go vote!**


	6. Fifth Time's the Charm

Title: Fifth Time's the Charm

Author: tanikara kohitsuji

Theme: 4. Every single obstacle

Pairing: Namikaze Minato x Uzumaki Kushina

**Fifth Time's the Charm**

Minato was, for once in his life, impatient. But could you blame him? Tonight was the night.

Tonight, he, Namikaze Minato, the fourth Hokage of Konohagakure, would ask his lover Uzumaki Kushina to marry him.

Sue him for being impatient this one time. He had been planning this for months. And tonight would be the culmination of all these efforts. He had asked around, he had read up, and he had bought the ring. All that was left was to ask her.

He had been reluctant to let the ring out of his sight, even for a few minutes. Just before Kushina arrived, he gave the waiter instructions. Once the redhead was seated, the waiter was to bring them champagne. In her glass would be the ring.

When Kushina arrived, Minato pulled out her chair and she sat down.

"Wow. This is really nice," she commented, looking around. "Is there a reason for bringing me here?"

The waiter came over with their drinks. She saw it and stopped him.

"Oh, none for me, thank you."

Minato and the waiter froze. What now?! If she didn't get any champagne, then she wouldn't see the ring! How could he make it romantic now?!

"I still haven't had a chance to look at the menu," Kushina said. "If you could come back in a few minutes, that'd be great."

Minato didn't have the heart to explain and let the waiter retreat.

"Actually, Minato," the woman reached across the table to lay a hand over his. "I have some news for you."

She looked him in the eye, serious. "I'm pregnant."

The Fourth Hokage felt his entire world's axis shift and his priority on proposing to her go from second most important thing to the most important thing. And horror at the realization that she would not be having any alcohol for several long months. He was going to have to start over.

He quickly excused himself to retrieve the ring as Kushina perused the menu.

* * *

Two weeks later, Minato stopped in at the Yamanaka floral shop. He carefully selected a single large red rose. Paying for it, he went home to prepare. Once he got home, he carefully removed the (cleaned) ring from its velvet box and tucked it into the center of the rose. He then set off for Kushina's, careful not to dislodge the ring.

Upon arriving, he knocked on the door.

"Coming!" she called.

As her footsteps approached, he tried to calm down. The door opened, and he smiled.

"Hey."

"Oh, Minato." She blinked and frowned. "I wasn't expecting you."

He offered the rose to her.

Her eyes widened in horror.

_Oh no. What'd I do wrong? Does she not want to get married? Is the ring not good enough? Did she want to end our relationship? Is it not romantic enough?_

Kushina sneezed loudly. "S-sorry," she gasped before sneezing again. "I lo—" Sneeze. "Love the rah-rah-rah-rah-rah-rah… rose!" Sneeze.

She blinked red watery eyes at him. "Bud Ahm aehgec to dem."

"What?"

She sneezed again. She said it louder, trying to enunciate so he could understand. "Bi'm allehgic to roses."

Minato glanced down at the flower in his hands and repressed a groan. Not again…

"Bi'm gonna go tahke bmy bmedicine," Kushina sniffled before retreating back into her house.

"I'll see you later," the blonde man said before leaving with his second failed proposal attempt.

* * *

"I don't get it!" Minato said, dropping his head onto his desk with a thunk. "How can I suck this much at proposing?!"

Jiraiya stared at his abnormally distraught former student. "What did you do? As an expert at romance, perhaps I can help you."

Minato cocked an eyebrow at his teacher but resisted the urge to ask how "Hey, Boobs, let's get hitched!" was romantic. (Or peeping for that matter. But best let sleeping dogs lie.)

The blonde sighed. "I've tried to propose to Kushina twice now."

"You're finally going to settle down with her?" the Toad Sannin grinned.

"I wouldn't go pointing fingers if I were you," Minato snapped with a bit of heat. Which, really, for him, was a lot of heat.

"So how did you try to do it?" Jiraiya said, wisely steering them away from his lack of success with Tsunade in the proposal aspect of life.

"I tried putting it in the champagne glass."

"Nice."

The Fourth Hokage sighed. "She didn't even look at the glass before sending it away. And then she broke the whole pregnant thing."

Jiraiya winced sympathetically. "And the other one?"

"I bought a rose and put the ring in it."

The white haired man whistled in appreciation.

"She's allergic to roses."

"Ouch."

"What do I do?" the young Hokage asked.

"How about signing you two up for private dance lessons?" Jiraiya suggested after a few minutes.

"How is that a proposal?"

"When she asks why you're taking them, tell her you wanted to have the perfect 'first dance.'"

"First dance for what?" Minato asked, a little puzzled.

Jiraiya raised an eyebrow with a wry expression.

The light bulb went on in the blonde's mind. "The wedding!"

"Exactly! Then kneel and bring out the ring."

"I'll try it," Minato said after a minute.

"Look at it this way. What else can go wrong? After all, third time's a charm."

* * *

Minato went to pick Kushina up for their dance lesson. He knocked on the door and it opened to reveal a decidedly green Kushina. Before he could say anything, she put a hand over her mouth and ran back inside to her bathroom. He sighed as the sound of retching reached him.

Third time's the charm. Yeah right.

After a few minutes, Kushina came back. "I'm sorry, Minato. I know you've been looking forward to this for the past month, but I can't make it today." She shoved a hank of hair off her pale, sweaty face. "I'm really sorry. My morning sickness is really bad today. I just can't handle a dancing class."

The blonde sighed. "It's fine." He fingered the ring in his pocket sadly. "Your and the baby's health is more important." He kissed her forehead gently, one hand on her cheek. As he pulled away, he slid his hand down to cup her jaw. "Feel better, okay?"

Kushina smiled and touched his hand. "I will." She made a face and broke away on a mad dash for the bathroom.

Minato sighed and headed toward his office.

* * *

Minato carefully unwound the thread, laying it on the floor of his house. With Kushina six and a half months into her pregnancy (give or take a week or two according to the doctors), it was time to step up his game.

After two more months of brainstorming, he had finally come up with this current idea. Using a red thread (like that thread of legend), he would create a maze from his house. At the end of the maze was a heart of lit candles with the ring at the center, proudly displayed in its little box.

He finished lighting the last candle when the doorbell rang. Minato blew the match out and hurried to the door.

"Kushina," he greeted her with a kiss.

"So why did I have to come here precisely at this time?" she asked with a grin.

"I have a surprise for you," he said with a grin. Surely this time!

"Really?" Her face lit up.

A smile teased the sides of his mouth up to match hers. "Yes."

Kushina took a step and stumbled, her foot catching on the thread on the floor. Minato caught her.

"Ow…" she hissed. "I think I need to sit down for a bit."

He helped her over to the nearest chair. "Where does it hurt?"

"My ankle," she said.

Minato knelt and felt her ankle gently. She bit back a cry as he touched it.

_F***, _he thought. _How can I suck this much at proposing?! I make her sick and now I sprained her ankle! I fail at this!_

"It looks like it's sprained," he announced. "We should get it checked at the hospital."

"But your surprise!" she protested.

"It can wait," he sighed. _It's waited for six months already… _"I've just got to take care of a couple things and then we'll head to the hospital."

"Okay," Kushina agreed.

* * *

"You tripped her?!" Jiraiya gasped in horror.

"I didn't mean to!" Minato protested dejectedly. "I don't even know how she managed to trip on the string! I didn't tie it off or anything! It should have just been pulled or something!"

His teacher shook his head. "You know what? You suck at proposing."

"I know," the Hokage moaned. "At this rate, I'd be better off just giving her the ring with no romantic gestures."

"No kidding. Every time you try to be romantic, something goes wrong. It's like the universe is trying to give you every obstacle possible."

"You're not helping!" Minato snapped.

"Easy," Jiraiya said. "It's not like you to get this worked up over something."

"Gee, how touchy would you be if you had tried to propose to your pregnant lover four times and FAILED all four times?!" Minato demanded.

"So are you going to try again?"

"I don't know. Maybe the universe is trying to tell me that we're not meant to be…"

"Try one more time. I'm sure Kushina will accept if you can just manage to do it."

"I hope you're right," Minato sighed, and began brainstorming…. again.

* * *

The Fourth Hokage gave up brainstorming when Kushina was due any day. Obviously, it was time to just pop the question and hope she understood.

So, he went over to her house after that work that day to check on her and ask her. After several minutes of small talk, he cleared his throat and knelt before her, reaching into his pocket for the box.

"Kushina," he looked up at the love of his life, seated on the bed with a inquisitive expression. "We've known each other for quite a while. And you know I love you more than anything."

He fumbled with the box as he brought it out. As he tried to adjust it, nervousness and klutziness took over and he dropped the box. And of course, he just had to get that round box! So it went rolling under her bed.

_Crap._

"And…" He tried in vain to try to locate the box discretely.

"Minato… what's going on?" she asked.

He looked back at her. "Um… what I'm trying to say is…" He needed the ring! "I dropped something under your bed."

_Way to be suave. _

"Oh." She was very confused now. Her expression said it all.

"Could you help me look for it?"

_If she finds it, I'll just have her open it and finish proposing._

"I'm a little pregnant here," she replied with a frown.

"I just need to you to see if it rolled to the other side or not," he assured her. "You won't even have to get up."

"Okay… What am I looking for?" she asked as she shifted slightly to see the other side of the bed.

"A little round black box," he replied. _Please, please let it have rolled over there. Let me propose this one time!_

"I see it," she announced, turning back to him with a smile.

"Think you can get it?" he asked.

She raised an eyebrow but began to head over to the other side to begin the long process of picking it up. Finally, after five minutes of straining, she managed to grab it. "Got it."

The redhead tried to hand it back to him but Minato stopped her. "No, go ahead and open it."

"You're acting really weird," she said as she adjusted it in her hands so she could open it easier. "Ever since the night I told you I was pregnant, actually…" she trailed off as she saw the ring. "Oh my…"

"Kushina, will you marry me?" he asked. What a relief it was to say those words after all this time!

"Minato, I—" she broke off and placed a hand to her swollen stomach with a shocked expression. "Um… we might have a bigger problem," she announced.

"What?"

"The baby's coming."

"What?!" Minato gasped.

Just then a loud crash resounded through the village.

"What was that?" he asked.

"Minato, I need to get to the hospital! Now!" Kushina reminded him sharply.

An ANBU arrived at the house.

"Hokage-sama! There's trouble! The Nine-tailed Fox is attacking the village!"

"Now?!" Minato shouted. Why was his timing so rotten?!

He turned back to his redheaded lover/fiancée. "I guess your answer will have to wait." He led her over the ANBU. "I'll join you at the hospital as soon as I can."

"Be careful," Kushina admonished, keeping their gazes locked.

"I will," he said kissing her forehead. "After all, I still haven't gotten that answer yet."

He grabbed his trademark coat from her coat rack and headed for the door.

As he prepared to leap away, Kushina shouted his name.

"Minato!"

He turned back toward her.

"The answer's yes!"

He grinned and took off to defend the village and his future wife.

**

* * *

A/N: Okay, this one was long beyond belief. I swear though, I needed every bit. A little less crack-y than the others. A little more serious.**

**I'm leaving this one there. And we all know what happens next. Little Naruto is born as Minato realizes that he can't beat the Nine-tails and Madara. So he seals the Nine-tails in his son. And Kushina apparently dies in childbirth.**

**Ah how depressing. I hope you laughed at some of these proposals though. Moral of the story: know what your girlfriend's allergic to. And know if she's in the family way. lol**


	7. I Think You Can Move Your Hand Now

Title: I Think You Can Move Your Hand Now

Author: tanikara kohitsuji

Theme Used: 14. destiny; fate; karma

Pairing: Hyuuga Neji x Hyuuga Hinata

**I Think You Can Move Your Hand Now**

There are times when he wonders if there was just not avoiding it for them. He may not be as… firm in his beliefs of fate. (Personally, sometimes Neji wondered if Naruto didn't break part of his brain with that punch.)

Actually, on second thought, he _knew _that blond idiot broke something in his brain. Because before that fight, he never found himself looking at his cousin like this. Unless you counted their first meeting which really, wasn't even a meeting. They didn't say a word to each other. Just looked into each other's eyes. So really, any heart pounding and such cannot be counted since they were too young as well.

Yes, Neji nodded, Naruto was to blame for all of this. If that idiot hadn't knocked some screws loose in his head, he wouldn't have found himself staring at his cousin, drinking in her form, and unable to freaking tear his eyes off those curves and breathe, dammit!

But he had, and so now Neji was wondering if he should have known from the way their eyes met when he first met Hinata that they would fall for each other eventually. Should have felt the undercurrents and just known that she was the one meant for him.

Although groping her during the first chuunin exam (By accident, he swears!) probably did not help him. Because after that his hand just wanted to feel it again (preferably without anything in the way like a thick jacket.)

But because he's done running from fate, Neji had made a plan. He really hoped karma for nearly killing his cousin/hopefully-soon-to-be-fiancee didn't come around.

It is probably said crush on his cousin that made him agree to help her train. Really, it wasn't to see her in that training outfit! He was not turned on by that v neck shirt (complete with a bit of fishnet at the bottom to try to hide the cleavage).

And he was not hoping that fate might throw him a bone and give him a shot to propose. Or accidentally/on purpose grope her. (Don't give him that look. Have you seen her chest?)

So they were exchanging blows, practicing the Gentle Fist style. He decided to say test the waters.

"Hinata… have you ever thought about marriage?" he ventured.

She blocked his blow as she raised an eyebrow. "Huh?"

"I mean… uh…" He searched his mind desperately for a non-proposal reason for his interest.

She stared at him as he paused mid blow.

"I was just…." He glanced into her eyes and felt his mind empty.

He stared into her soft lavender-white eyes, brows furrowed slightly.

"I…"

He went to finish his blow but due to everything (and possibly trying to wrench his gaze away from hers, only down to that little peek of distracting cleavage), he ended up on the floor, Hinata underneath him, a hand pressed to one of her breasts and his lips on hers.

He didn't ever want to move from this spot. Either she was going to kill him or he was going to get lucky. Please let his bad luck end.

She slid a hand up to thread through his hair. He pulled away gently to look in her eyes.

"If this is your way of proposing," she whispered, "then it's working. But the g-g-groping was a little much." A blush flooded her face as a grin slowly started to appear on his face.

"It was just a little bit of karma coming around," he said before moving his hand and kissing her again.

**

* * *

A/N: May I just state I don't really like NejiHina all that much. I really did this for to fill a slot and didn't really like writing it… But I slugged through it for months… Now I can move on to cuter pairings I actually root for.**


	8. Just Kiss Me, You Clueless Idiot

Title: Just Kiss Me, You Clueless Idiot

Author: tanikara kohitsuji

Theme Used: 30. Say it without saying "Will you marry me?"

Pairing: Yahiko x Konan

**Just Kiss Me, You Clueless Idiot**

He was always the loudmouth. Always so loud and rash. He never thought things through, always opening his mouth before actually thinking. In their trio, he was the dumb one. The one who went making sometimes stupid, but equally touching proclamations.

Yahiko.

How long had it taken her to fall for him? A second? Minutes? Or was it as she suspected? That she had been slowly falling for him all this time. That all those little quirks of his personality were what she loved.

The way his bright orange hair refused to lay flat, always spiky. The way he claimed to be better than Jiraiya but had that same pervy grin as him. The promises he made and upheld. His courage…

Oh yes. Konan had fallen for him. Now that grin made her heart skip a few beats before rushing on double time.

If only he weren't so clueless! He never bothered reading into things and it frustrated her to no end! Because if he bothered reading the reasons behind her actions, her blushes, he'd know. He'd know that she loved him more than anything. That she dreamed of the day when they could be more. Fantasized about raising a family together with him.

But no. She fell in love with a clueless idiot who couldn't see what was right under his nose.

She sighed. And now he comes back in this state from that mission. Reckless as always and now seriously injured. She sighed again as she grabbed a roll of bandages. Did he realize how much he made her worry when he did this sort of thing?

She headed back to his room where he was resting, his wounds half wrapped.

"You really should be more careful," she scolded, working on his arm.

"I know, I know," he said.

"I'm serious, Yahiko! We're all depending on you."

_I'm depending on you._

"I know. Don't worry, Konan. I'll protect you. That's a promise."

She cast her glance down to his bandages, willing her blush to subside. _He's talking about all of you. Not just you. He doesn't feel that way. It's not like that. Don't get your hopes up._

"Konan?"

She brought her gaze up to his. "I… I was really worried, okay? I don't want to lose you." She kept her gaze locked with his blue one.

She watched as he returned it then as comprehension seemed to dawn on him. Her hands stilled, her heart pounding. She could feel the blush sneaking back onto her cheeks. Her eyes slowly falling closed as they leaned in.

And finally, finally after all those years of waiting, praying he'd notice, their lips brushed. It was barely a touch before he pulled back slightly. She almost cried at the thought that that was all before his lips covered hers again with certainty.

His right hand snaked around her waist, pulling her closer. His left hand slipped out of her slack grip to cup her cheek. And in his kiss, she heard his silent question: Stay with me?

She kissed him back, her arms resting on his shoulders. Her silent reply: Of course.

_I love you. Please, never leave. I want to grow old with you._

Pulling apart finally, breaths short.

"That stupid Toad Hermit is gonna write a book about us now," Yahiko joked.

"You big idiot," she laughed.

"The idiot you're spending the rest of your life with."

"Yeah… because he stole my heart when he promised to stop the eternal rain."

**

* * *

A/N: Okay, this one wasn't so much a humor one. It was more sweet… But I was inspired by Chapter 511! It was just so sweet! I wanted to show what happened after we cut away from them (or what I hope/figure happened). And it fit this prompt. If only it could have lasted… **


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